How to be a good mother

Not every woman who gives birth to a child can be bestowed with the respectful title of “mother”. It is a title that is earned through sacrifice, humility, discipline and hard work. All this is evident with a mother who is also a practical believing Muslim. A mother who is a true believer is the pride of her family. A Muslim woman who not only possesses the best of character and behavior but is also a role model for any given society, comprising of any religion.

She is organized, a great communicator, her emotions and intelligence as a believer are all balanced, she knows how to manage herself first and then her family and home.

So let us find out more about what makes a believer mother special:

1. Be a role model for your children:

If a mother wants to teach her kids something she first has to do it herself. A mother should be the perfect example for her children to follow; she should already be practicing what she teaches them.

You know how parents tell their kids to lie and say we are not home when someone calls, or say we are busy. Well that’s how we teach our kids that lying is normal. This is where the problem starts. If a parent is a liar but does not want their kids to lie, it is not possible, because they will learn by their parent’s example.

Focus on the importance of hijab. This should be done right from the ages of 3 or 4, be it a girl or boy. Their attitude towards will only remain positive once they see it being implemented in their own homes. Hijab begins with positive and controlled thoughts, respectful speech and body language and the conscientious use of the physical hijaab (Surah Al-Nur 24 Ayat 30-31,  Surah Al-Ahzab 33 Ayat 59).

2. Be thankful and teach them to be thankful too:

Often we see women complaining to their husbands, nagging about the lack of money or clothes, his job, the in-laws, the car etc. This behavior from any person is very ungrateful and it automatically instills negativity within the entire family environment. If you are disrespecting and being ungrateful to your husband, do not expect your children to be respectful or be grateful to either one of you. If a child sees his mother constantly crying and complaining, that is exactly what he will do all of their lives too. As we see today, most teenagers often complain about their looks or what they think they should have. In most cases this is the attitude and outlook that they have learnt from home. It also reflects the lack of hope and confidence in Allah (God), something that their parents have never demonstrated to them.

A believing mother would make her children grateful for whatever blessings that they may have and to whomever is providing for them. She thanks Allah for giving them a home and protection. She appreciates their father for what he earns for them and thanks him for the food that fills their bellies, the clothing that cover their bodies and the comforts of their home. Because she is aware, that when we are thankful to Allah (God) our creator, He increases His blessings tenfold. So first be thankful to Allah and then be grateful to the people around you.

And when your Lord proclaimed: If you give thanks, I will give you more;

but if you are thankless, beware! My punishment is dire.

Surah Al-Ibrahim 14 Ayat 7

3. Stay connected with Allah and His instructions:

We cannot just say we love Allah and not follow His instructions. Similarly a child cannot not just keep saying “I love you mom” and not obey her. A believing mother must first stay within the boundaries of Allah’s commandments. If she is connected with the instructions of Allah and His Prophet Muhammad (SAW), her children will grow with the same Imaan (faith) and Tawakal (trust) that she has.

She is aware of and teaches her young ones about the importance of the Holy Qur’an and the basic principles of Islam. She teaches them the spirit of the Holy Qur’an rather than just making them recite it like a parrot. She makes them aware of the 98 ayaat of O’ you who believe; of the instructions within these ayaat. She makes her children realize that Allah expects His believers to live their lives according to the standard that is worthy of Allah.

4. Teach them patience:

When you are thankful to Allah you are also being patient. Watching a parent overcome hurdles and hardships and seeing their patience and strength will teach your children, how a believer reacts and behaves when difficult situations arise. A believer does not panic but is always only humble and grateful at any given time. She demonstrates that patience is not a weakness but is an asset of her personality. Her belief in Allah, no matter what happens is not shaken nor does it weaken with time. A believer mother does not violate Allah’s instructions under any circumstances. She never loses optimism, be it in thought or attitude. She is confident that she is exactly where Allah has told her to be i.e. on Siraat-e-Mustaqeem, (the straight and true path) No matter how bad her circumstances are, she turns only to Allah for help and guidance, and focuses on working to improving herself as a believer.

5. Teach them the value of little things:

A mother should be appreciative of the smallest of blessings; her job also includes teaching her children the true value and worth of all things; electricity, food, clothing, toys, none of these come for free. You should provide for your child to the best of your ability but even wealthy parents must teach their children the value of small things.

Make sure that they taste the simplest of home cooked meals to the most elaborate of dishes, if you can afford it. They must learn to appreciate everything halal (permitted) that can be eaten, regardless of their likes and dislikes. Help them to understand that Allah provides all food and they should learn to respect food. That there are thousands of people in the world who are unable to eat even one meal a day.

Encourage them to do charitable acts. Gather clothing items that they have outgrown, toys, books etc. that they do not use and donate them to orphanages and charity centres. Teach them to not waste food, water, electricity, anything. Show them the young children begging or at labour, trying to earn a living to support their families, when they should be enjoying school, sports and all the fun activities that they do.

6. Model good character and positive behavior:

Don’t spoil your kids; work on their attitude and behavior right from the start. If they are irritable most of the time or have ego problems, then address these issues right there and then. Don’t let them get away with it. This negative attitude matures along with them and becomes a part of their personality and character.

Teach and show them a true Muslim’s character of kindness. Be a good person. Just reading the Holy Qur’an in Arabic is not enough. Being a follower of Allah and His Prophet Muhammad (SAW) also means to not lie, gossip, make false assumptions, backbite, be jealous, get angry, or have a bad attitude.

A believer mother keeps on working to improve herself. She knows how to communicate well, she does not argue back or use abusive or demeaning language to get her point across. She teaches her children how to communicate in the best possible way.

“Tell my servants that they should speak only what is the best. Surely, shaitan stirs up trouble among them. The fact is that shaitan is an open enemy to mankind”. (Surah Al-Isra 17 Ayat 53)

She makes them realize that not only with the way they speak but also through their body language and facial expressions, they convey thoughts and feelings. She herself is not a part of gossip nor does she make fun of others (Surah Al-Hujraat 49 Ayat 11-12) and neither does she allow her children to do so. She shows them how to be respectful and in turn gain respect yourself; by respecting their elders, helping parents in daily household chores instead of playing with gadgets, by giving charity from their own toys or belongings. This will teach them the importance of giving without expecting anything in return.

7. Show a united front

Analyze your childhood. Remember the mistakes that were made when you were growing up. As far as discipline goes, both partners must agree upon how they will handle situations. Do not play good cop/bad cop. Children will take advantage of your inconsistent behavior and this way they find convenience with a parent who’s not as strict to get things done. Giving freedom does not mean letting them do as they wish, spoiling them and getting them whatever they want, especially if it violates the laws of Allah.

Remember kids do what we do, so it is very important for both parents to show a united front and practice all these values, before they address their children. By following these guidelines parents sow a seed and in the future these children will either become the fruit of your efforts or a test (Azmaish) for you.

So I hope and pray that we all become the best of the believers and that by doing all the above we can become better mothers. – Ameen

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